♥ Float Like A Butterfly, Sting Like A Bee ♥

Sayonara.

2012-02-12T21:31:00.001+08:00

5 days after my previous emo post.

I'm still feeling emotional right now. Ya Allah. Why, Ya Allah. I don't know how much longer I can take. I don't know how much unhappiness I can pretend to hide. I don't know for how much longer I can keep up this false pretense. And I definitely don't know how to handle all these blows, one after the other.

Ya Allah.

I desperately need Your guidance.

This is my plea for help. Someone, just anyone.

Please take me away.

If emotions could talk.

2012-02-07T00:52:00.000+08:00

If anyone's reading this.

I feel as though I'm at wits end. It might be the PMS talking, or the headache, or the zombie-mode from the lack of sleep, but what I'm feeling right now is just... meh.

No words can describe how I feel right now.

On Sunday I had a feeling that this week was gonna be a roller-coaster ride.

And true enough, the ride started today. Barely had enough time to put my safety belt on.

Ya Allah. Please, please, I seek Your guidance.

I feel as though I'm facing this all alone.

I hope I'm not.

Just bleeping do it.

2012-02-05T21:29:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when most people do not acknowledge your hard work and effort, and all the important things that you've sacrificed, always remember that someone else is. And always will be.

You know who He is.

She's back.

2012-02-05T01:56:00.001+08:00

They say when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Might noooot be easy to do, but hey if there's a will, there's a way.

Okay I really don't know why I'm speaking in idioms but this brain's not really functioning at 1 in the morning. I just want to say, I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope. That my life is like a balancing act. Where I'm trying to control certain aspects of my life that I feel like I can control, but in truth, nahh Nabby not really. Not exactly no.

I know deep within me that I can do it. I have faith in myself that I can overcome all the hardships that Allah give to me. But it's not easy, no. But dang it, I will try my best, I will give my all. Even it means making certain sacrifices and letting go of certain things (or people) for the sake of other's happiness.

Stupid, yes. Logical, yes. Painful, yes.

Yes yes yes, all of the above, ding ding ding.

And to whom it may concern,

Look.

I hope you change. And I hope you change for the better.

I pray that you will open your eyes and realize your "mistakes" and what you need to change within yourself. I know that I'm not a saint myself, as I do realize that we are all humans who make mistakes. But mistakes are mistakes, and mistakes, being mistakes, have to be corrected. But for now, so long as you think that whatever you are doing is right, that leaves me with no choice but to accept that part of you. And be patient. Very. Patient.
Because no one can be the change for you, because you have to be the change.

And I hope that one day, InsyaAllah, the cloak covering your eyes will be lifted.

Again, sort of an idiom but not really an idiom because...um...yeah.

Okay gotta go now, ugama tomorrow.
Goodnight yaw.

So,

2012-01-29T02:01:00.003+08:00

Mama's Nasi Lemak for breakfast.

Marking for a few hours.

Met Haiqal after his book-out. Stupid grin plastered on my face yeesh.

Met the rest of the crazy bunch of Sambaterians at Orchard. Dang do I miss 'em.

Played a total of 3 and a 1/2 sets.

Went crazy and hyper like a hyena.

Audience was amazing.

Aftermath:

5 blisters on my hands.

Milo dinosaur and maggi goreng at 11.30pm.

$28 cab ride home with Haiqal and Teddy.

Wash-up, qadak, did some marking.

Currently:

Blogging, when I'm not supposed to.

Goodnight guys.

Meh Meh

2012-01-27T21:31:00.002+08:00

It's Friday (hurrah!)

And I am exhausted beyond exhaustion. Day in, day out, been marking papers after papers, scrutinizing and editing my lesson plans, preparing slideshows or activities to make lessons interesting, sacrificing my lunch, my gym, my sleep. Dang girl.

I am tired and I am in a mess. My social life is zip, nada. I barely have the time to get a good night's rest. I'm killing myself, I know I just am. Plus not having to hear Haiqal's voice each night is such a downer. I feel as if I have nothing to look forward to, like a robot, living the dreary hours of a monotonous day.

It's not that I enjoy teaching, don't get me wrong. But whoo boy. It definitely isn't an easy job because work is constantly on your mind. When you're eating, when you're in the shower, when you're in the gym, when you're with your boyfriend, when you're watching TV. Or maybe it's just me, you see. I can't stop thinking of the work that's piling and piling. It never seems to stop. Ever. And to think that this is only the tip of the iceberg.

Am already experiencing the responsibilities of a form teacher of a class of 28, and all of them, their work, their characters, their work ethics, everything has to be accounted for. Add classroom scenarios like water spilling on the floor, a child crying because her classmate has pinched her, a boy screaming for your attention because he wants to go to the toilet urgently, a girl shouting unnecessary comments from the back of the class, a boy not handing in his homework twice in a row, etc etc etc. All these situations, I gotta take in my stride and not let all these blow me over It is a daunting task, definitely. It is difficult, especially for someone who sometimes can't keep her emotions in check. If I'm sad or angry, I'll just show it man. But as a teacher, showing your emotions like crying in class because the class is out of control, it just shows that you yourself aren't in control because you let them control your emotions.

Okay sorry I don't know where this is going, but I'm tired and I just want to pen some verbal vomit. That, and the fact that I miss a certain someone so much. So so much. I go to sleep wondering what he's doing, wondering if he's eaten, whether he's just doing fine over there. I rewind my memories back to the few days before he had to book in, and I feel a pang of yearning for those times. Sitting on the bench after our jog, eating our epok-epok and drinking our packet drinks, talking about random things like what would happen if I were to use a tudung and all. Hmm I just realize we talk a lot of nonsense actually, haha. But amidst all the banter and the goofing around, each time I look into his eyes, I see a person who I am in love with so much, and plan to be in the years to come. I see in his gaze and in his quirky smile, adoration, love and affection. All for which I am very thankful for.

Alhamdulillah.

But enough love stories. I just wanna say that I am tired, and I should probably manage my time well and be more disciplined on myself. Key word, disciplined, not harder. And with that said I know I shouldn't probably be blogging an essay right now but oh well.

Will be busking with Sambateria at Taka, Orchard in the evening tomorrow soooo if you're free/bored/meh, just come down and show your support and looove :) (Busking on Saturday when you've got tons of homework to mark, Nabby!? Stupid or what!?) Hush conscience, this is an exception.

Have a good weekend, people!

Morning Pleasantries

2012-01-24T11:37:00.002+08:00

I had a really great morning today. Went for a morning jog with Blur Beans and was feeling pumped due to Brianstorm on repeat. Brian, top marks for not tryin'. Never fails to put me in the mood to kick some butt. After the jog we decided to explore Tampines Eco-Garden which was right beside Esso. And we spent close to an hour in there, as it was that interesting. Walked and walked for miles, and as usual, we crapped a lot. Bole Chudiyan and Skip to my Lou are just a few examples. I think Haiqal must have been pretty tired to entertain all my nonsensical, high-like-a-fly antics, but I thank him anyway for going along with it.

We didn't manage to see any monitor lizards or reptiles crossing our path, and neither did we spot the crab spider or the eagle that we wanted to see, but we had a lot of fun just walking and enjoying the cool breeze in there. Peace, solace and tranquility. I won't be seeing him for the next 3 days and 2 nights because he's going off to field camp, and there is no denying that I will miss him terribly so. No phonecalls, no texts, no nothing. I just pray that the days will fly by fast, and Friday will come soon. Just as long as I can hear his voice on the phone, that is good enough for me.

Today is gonna be a chiw day. Chiw as in chiiiiill haha. Am gonna do up my lesson plan for this week and the next, if possible. Do some housework, maybe (learn to) cook ayam lemak cilli padi (my favourite!) with my momma later and InsyaAllah, have a relaxing evening watching tv with my family. Destination truth is on today whoop whoop! But for now seeing as how I'm stinko like a... skunk-o, I shall take a long cold bath, perhaps take a nap (I love my naps, yes) and after that, start on my verk, yes I vill.

Hope your day goes smoothly as well.

InsyaAllah :)

One For The Road.

2012-01-23T23:16:00.000+08:00

Who's the vain one now? Heh heh heh.

You are my best friend. The one person who understands me so much, who knows me inside and out, who predicts my move even before I've made it. The one person who has never given up on me for the years that we've been together. The one person who is not afraid to voice out when there are certain fears I need to face, and the one person who believes that I can truly overcome all these fears, these insecurities.

The one person who has made me realized that there is more to life than being afraid, more to life than caring what others might think of you, and more to life than being constantly worried about how things would turn out. You have taught me to be positive, to take things as they come, and as cliche as it might sound, you have made me a better person. Sure, we might come across a few roadblocks here and there and a few bumps along the way, but I promise you that I will try my best to push aside my ego and my pride, to make things between us right. (Rhyme not intended, but hey, cooool.)

Walking home with you is a memory that I will always treasure. We'll talk, we'll laugh, we'll kid around. I can act all stupid and nutso around you and you wouldn't even bat an eyelid. And truly, I love you for that.

You take me for who I am. You've seen me in my crazy, high-as-an-Empire-Building kinda state, my pms-don't-you-freaking-piss-me-off state, my oh-i-look-so-ugly-don't-look-at-me state, my i'm-so-stressed-i'm-gonna-stab-someone kinda state, my scratch-backside-and-dig-ma-nose kinda state (JUST KIDDING. Or am I? Hahaha) All of these, and you've never once gotten tired. Sure I know I whine too much, complain too much, worry too much, but did that give you a reason to say goodbye? No. Instead you stayed behind, and showed me that there are ways to deal with situations, and you go through them with me every step of the way. That made me see the gem of a guy that I have with me. Alhamdulillah.

17 years you've waited; WE'VE waited. And though I don't say this to you as much as I would have loved to, I would just like to say:

Muhammad Haiqal Bin Abdul Latip,

I love you so much,

for the simple act of loving me.

Discipline Meself

2012-01-17T09:06:00.001+08:00

Amidst all these craziness, I still gotta find time to:

1) Head to the gym 3 times a week

2) Spend time with my family

3) Have dinner/meet-ups with friends

4) And be a damn awesome teacher who knows what she's doing even she doesn't have a clue but is determined to try and give her all if it means taking a few stumbles and falls because she knows she will rise back up again and do it better the next time.

Yeah. Talk about busy.

I really gotta learn how to discipline myself and prioritize.

Goodbye Facebook, probably won't see you for a while (?)

Sweet Dreams

2012-01-17T03:27:00.000+08:00

Eyes wide open.

Caffeine still pumping in the veins of my blood.

Arctic Monkeys, Sum 41 and Blink 182 blasting from the speakers.

Such a still, silent night.

And I can't sleep.

I'm hoping and praying tomorrow will be a smooth day, InsyaAllah.

Double Trouble.

2012-01-14T23:52:00.002+08:00

Perspecto!

2012-01-14T11:34:00.001+08:00

What are we working so hard for?

To be successful? Happy? Contented?

Had a thought late one night and asked myself: What does it mean by being 'successful'? Big house big yard big car big wallet big everything? Since we're talking big let me just say that some people tend to want everything to be big to compensate for something else smaller. Yeaaaaaaaah I know you know what I mean.

Moving on.

SO, Nurul Nabila. What does it mean to be 'successful'?

Put down your two cents' worth here, I say!

Well basically to me it's pretty simple. To me being successful means, to be happy. Happy with the current state of your life. Happy with the people who surround you and those who love you. Happy with what you're doing. Hey, I can be living in a dump, collecting cardboards as my hobby, be having rats as my companions and be eating biscuit crumbs for dinner, but if I'm happy, well then I'm successful beyond anything that anyone could ever dreamed of.

It all boils down to perspective.

A lot of people think that being successful enables you to own all the fancy schmancy things in life. Oh, you drive a Rolls Royce? You're so successful. Oh, you own a condo in Orchard Road? You're so successful. Oh, you own a yatch at Sentosa Cove? Bloody successful.

Screw all that. I mean seriously? So being successful means to be materialistic and buy objects that... mere mortals like us dream of buying but can't because we're not 'successful' like you? That's what being successful is all about?

Squeeeezeme, think ya got the wrong channel.

Successful to me is when you overcome all defying odds that are placed against you. When people say you can't, but you can. When circumstances dictate you can't, but you can. It's when you flip the odds and go against what everyone's been saying such as "No you can't do it, it's impossible, it's too difficult, no one could ever do that" to something like "Holy crap you actually managed to do that?!"

See, there are a lot of ways to measure this thing called success.

As I said, perspective.

The Wonders.

2012-01-12T00:10:00.000+08:00

I wonder what you're doing, whether you've eaten, how you are feeling.

Whether you are tired, whether you've had enough rest.

But most of all,

I wonder if you are thinking of me.

Me (1) Fears (0)

2012-01-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

The one thing that had me worried over the weekend was the parents' conference. Lost sleep over it, and was constantly so stressed stressed stressed. (Then again, when am I not ever? Something to reflect hmm) That and the ~~unreasonable~~ expectation that was set for me + the "pep talk" which wasn't helping either.

But Alhamdulillah, today it went smoothly without any glitches. At first I was afraid of meeting the parents, let alone talk to them. In my mind? What would they think when they see a young teacher taking over the class? You can imagine how freaked out I was. But my RO told me this very interesting fact, and poof! Epiphany, I kid you not. What she said: "The worrying part is always the stressful part. The best thing is not to worry, and take the challenge as it comes. Because when the day finally comes for you to face your fears, there will be no other choice but to just do it."

Okay technically she didn't say that word for word but it was something along that lines. And it did wonders to my self-esteem in terms of my preparation. I told myself, "Nurul Nabila, as long as you've prepared your slides, you've practiced your content, and you know what to say, you will be fine. So stop worrying you bugger."

So yeap, first ever major challenge of 2012 down. Not to say that I feel proud of myself or anything, but honestly I feel accomplished. I've faced my fears, and I'm going to continue to do so. Challenge after challenge with the guidance from Allah. I can do this. 2012 is going to be a prettay interesting year for me. A lot of setbacks, a lot of face-your-fears scenarios, but I will take everything as steady as it comes.

Steady as she goes, they say :)

Here goes nothing.

2012-01-11T00:58:00.002+08:00

You hope you know what you're doing.

So you try. And if you fail, you try and you try and you try again.

Ya Allah, please let my Wednesday run smoothly.

Amin.

Bismillahirahmanirahim.

2012-01-09T22:41:00.001+08:00

Robbisyirohli shodrii wa yassir lii amrii wahlul uqdatan min lisaaniii yafqahuu qaulii.

"Ya Allah! Lapangkanlah dadaku, dan mudahkanlah pekerjaanku dan lancarkan lidahku,

agar mereka faham pembicaraanku."

Amin.

Bring It On!

2012-01-07T11:01:00.002+08:00

Y'know.

When someone says unjustified comments about you and tries to put you down, of course the first reaction you'll have is, "Just shoot me. With a rifle." But I'm not going to give you the pleasure of surrendering so easily. There'll be no white flag waving this time.

It's true, I might look like I might not know what I'm doing. But what do you expect when you throw me into the deep end of the ocean with no life vest and no help? Did you really think I was going to survive? Ultimately I'm going to be eaten by sharks who can smell my weakness from far away. Sharks who are hungry to see me make that one false move and then bam, goodbye.

No matter how unfair this situation might be, I appreciate your harsh words. Why? Because I am going to take this as a challenge to prove those unjustified comments wrong. It's true, I might look like a softie. A bit weak-willed, always relying on people for directions, for help, partly because I don't know what's going on as I'm new to this. Maybe that was wrong on my part. Maybe you expect me to adapt quickly to the changes in the climate easily. But not everyone can be like that. They can adapt, yes, but not in a flash.

I've been in different climates, and I've tried my best to adapt, adapt, adapt. But this is one of the toughest situation yet, and judging me when I've just started isn't really fair to me.

I don't think you know that once someone says something totally untrue about me, I am going to do whatever it takes to prove that you don't know nuts. That you've got it wrong. Well, I for one know myself, and if I say I'll work hard, I will bloody well work hard. I've gone so far this time, and I'm not going to give you any reason to say that I cannot do it. NEVER.

Did you do some damage to my self-esteem? Ohhh believe me yes you did, yes you did. At the start, yes. But what you don't know now is that I'm revved and pumped up to show you that you've got it all wrong.
I ain't gonna leave the arena without a fight.

Because I say,

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

BRING IT ON.

:(

2012-01-06T16:18:00.002+08:00

Times like these I wish I was born without any feelings.

So that I wouldn't need to feel scared, angry, or hurt.

143

2012-01-05T23:11:00.000+08:00

Do not be afraid.

2012-01-05T01:55:00.001+08:00

No one ever said life was gonna be smooth sailing.

Face your fears; leave them the moment you step out of the house. There is nothing to be afraid of, nothing to feel scared or worried about. Whatever happens, happens. Some things we might not be able to control, but what we can control, is our emotions. Our feelings. Our attitude when facing something that terrifies us to the core yet we know that somehow, someday, we'll still have to face it in the end.

Have faith. Everything is going to be okay.

InsyaAllah.

Back To School

2012-01-03T23:33:00.000+08:00

So I spent a good few hours or so yesterday night doing THIS.

Might look pretty simple but oh gosh, let me just say that I suck at arts and crafts. I merely wanted to give the class a small gift, sort of like a 'Welcome back to school!' kinda thing, but I had nooo idea how much effort had to be put into it!

That said, the kids looked pretty happy when I gave the goodies out just now. They looked at me with such adorable gazes and said,"Thank you Miss Nurul." with such sincerity that I felt like hugging them aww :') Some of them even held it in their hands when they walked out of the school gates and refuse to keep it in their bags. Alahai why you so cute ni. Okay fine I guess I am thankful that I'm teaching in the lower primary level. If I do this to the upper primary they'll just laugh at me ha.

Oooh and I had a kental moment today. Was debating whether I should gym after work today and in the end decided to do so when my conscience told me that I've taken a hiatus from gym for way too long. And so I went. 5 to 10 minutes into my workout I realized that I was wheezing and having difficulties breathing, but when I tried to use my inhaler, osh kosh b'gosh man. There was nothing left inside. Just a few barely-there puffs and that's it. In the end a kind lady gave me the advice of breathing into a plastic bag while the trainer gave me some instructions to follow. I had to breathe through a plastic bag in front of everyone in the gym. Was kindaaa scary for me, as the thoughts of the near-death experience I encountered a few months ago flashed through my mind. Never in a million years would I ever, ever, want to go through that again. EVER.

Day 1 was pretty much okay. Bad idea to wear heels, as usual. What's new right, Nabby Nooby?

Thank goodness for the emergency pair of flats I keep under my desk. Was standing for 5 periods straight, and no wonder did my back started to ache. (Rhyme not intended) And oh gosh, all the P1 parents roaming around the school... Madness parade. When the kids entered the canteen it felt like a red carpet event. So many parents were jostling around trying to take pictures of their child walking hand-in-hand with their P2 buddy. Some were even armed with a video camera, I kid you not. Pretty understandable to me, seeing as it's their child's first day of freaking primary school BUT please don't go on doing this for the next few weeks, thanks.

Alright, am gonna stop right here. Gotta sleep prettay soon seeing as how I gotta be in school at an ungodly 8.30am. My my. What a long long day it's gonna be tomorrow. Ya Allah please give me the strength and patience to overcome any sorts of difficulties tomorrow. Amin.

Goodnight yaw!

One More Day

2012-01-02T07:36:00.002+08:00

One more day left to have fun, before work beckons tomorrow.

One more day left to create some memories, before Haiqal books in after his block leave.

One more day, to make everything worthwhile.

Hey Ho! Let's Go!

2012-01-01T16:00:00.001+08:00

Going out soon! Have an awesome Sunday!

2012.

2012-01-01T07:07:00.001+08:00

Follow your heart, wherever it leads you.

Give.

2011-12-31T21:17:00.000+08:00

One more thing added to my bucket list:

To volunteer with Mercy Relief and take time off to help the poor in Third World countries.

Before or after marriage. Safely said, before I leave this world.

Muhammad Haiqal, come along with me? :)

ROAR.

2011-12-31T20:27:00.002+08:00

Okay I think a deserve a pat on the back. Why, you ask?

Let me tell you why.

Today I put in a lot of effort in doing the housework. Did some spring cleaning and cleared out unnecessary stuff from my desk. Okay fine I didn't exactly clear them. I merely stuffed them into a storage box under the bed because I just couldn't bear to part with some of my secondary school stuff. A lot of fond memories yaw. After that I managed to dismantle the fan in my room (together with the help of Amirah and instructions on how to from Haiqal) and cleaned them and assembled it back (with the help of Mama when the fan made weird noises). Now it's so clean and white and shiny that I just feel like staring at it all day long.

After that I vacuumed the room and really, and I mean really, did so as if my life depended on it. Squatted down to reach the dust under the bed, pushed the table and cupboard to get to the hard-to-get areas and even used the nuzzle to reach behind the table. I felt an utter sense of joy and accomplishment once I was done as the room looked so clean and peaceful. Like it could actually be mistaken for a showroom. Okay fine a lil exaggeration there. Anyhoo, once that was done I had to clean the toilet and yeap you guessed it, I washed it like there's no tomorrow.

The best part was actually rewarding myself after an exhausting day with a long cold shower. That, and using the new Body Shop Rainforest Hair Butter I got with Syaz and the St. Ives Exfoliating Body Scrub (not mine but Shahirah's heh heh). Being a girl rocks sometimes. Feels good to pamper myself once in a while. Am gonna use Biore Pore Pack on my nose after praying Isyak and wheeooo watch some television with ze family. After that perhaps a good book to read while snuggled in the comforts of my blanket.

A quiet and simple way to end 2011.

I'm already happy :)

Hey Betty Boop Boop Boop.

2011-12-29T16:38:00.000+08:00

How's this for short.

Just...writing.

2011-12-29T16:20:00.002+08:00

They say that when you die, your whole life flashes in front of you. You see the faces of your loved ones fleeting through your head, little snippets of the memories you've created throughout your life, and undeniably during those last moments, you see the face of the person that you love the most frozen in your mind like a Polaroid picture.
I, for one, do not believe in such clichés.

I believe that when you are dying, you just...die, with absolutely no time or thought to even think about the fantastic beach wedding you'll never have or your beloved cat or grandma who'll never get to see you finally get married.

When you are in these final moments of death, all you can think about is whether you've written your will about who gets the share of the proceedings from your apartment or whether you've done everything on your bucket list. Whether you've contributed enough to the society. Or more likely, whether you're ready to leave this world and begin another.

The feeling of helplessness will soon kick in after which you realize that there is nothing you can do but to wait, as you feel your life slowly being squeezed out of you, breath by breath, seconds by seconds, as the time ticks by slowly and agonizingly.

So slowly, that by the time you realize you're dead, it's too late.

Too late to make amends.

- Written on impulse and by no means referring to myself, so don't worry.
Am not thinking of death.
Yet.

Make a Wish.

2011-12-29T07:06:00.002+08:00

I saw a shooting star during my flight to Paris.

No, this isn't the picture. Just a random picture taken from the Internet.

It was dark in the cabin and everything was quiet. When I looked out of the plane window, I saw hundreds, maybe thousands of beautiful stars glittering against the canvas of a dark inky sky. It was right there and then that I saw a shooting star, whizzing through the sky like a bullet. When I closed my eyes and tried to make a wish, I realized that there was nothing that I wanted to wish for. Nothing that struck me no matter how hard I racked my brains.

I guess I just went right back to sleep.

Why oh why.

2011-12-28T23:41:00.001+08:00

I always, always, always , make the wrong decision.

Listened to my heart instead of my head. Wanted to get rid of the frizzy ends thus I trimmed my hair but the trimming turned out to be like...

*insert cricket sound*

Yes.

I now look like a character from a 70's show or something. In fact I think I look like Betty Boop. If the previous haircut wasn't worse, this is much much worser. I THINK. Haiqal always says that I'm blind. What is ugly, I call beautiful. And vice versa. Oh well. I guess I'm destined to have bad hair days forever. Unless I shave my head and let all the hair grow back. Riiiight.

I just wish I could have my old hair back. Back in those days before I started swimming in Primary 4, when my hair was untainted from all the chemicals in the pool. And also from that horrible rebonding in Primary 6. What in the world was I thinking.

And to think I cut my hair one day before I have to attend school meetings tomorrow.

So smart. A round of applause for Miss Nabby Nooby, please! There isn't any other way to get through this, except to think confident and be confident. Cheh cheh. KSV would be so proud of me haha! But tsk. Action speak louder than words. So I gotta work it. It's not the end of the world yaw. Stop being so bloody self-conscious and insecure you kental.

I just feel like strangling myself sometimes.

Zero Hero.

2011-12-27T19:01:00.000+08:00

I guess I'm just different but not the same.

To infinity and beyond!

2011-12-27T01:08:00.001+08:00

I know it's late but, thanks for making my Saturday an awesome one KSV.

I never fail to have an asthma attack with you ladies. Sol your idea was whacked-out crazy but we sure didn't look back after that! Here's to more first-time experiences! InsyaAllah.

Thank you Allah for the amazing people in my life :)

Surprise, surprise.

2011-12-26T00:25:00.005+08:00

Someone's got a surprise for me tomorrow.

And he only gave me measly clues.

(Yes Muhammad Haiqal your clues were pathetic because they didn't help!)

He just said to travel light, use flats and that we're going to the North and whatever it is we'll be doing, it'll be outdoors. Hmmm I'm prettay sure it's the zoo but we'll see. That someone also says that I have to be ready by 0845 tomorrow, thus I shall sleep now and brace myself for whatever's gonna come.

The only major clue I have is that it's gonna be something I'll be doing for the first time

so hell yeah I'm stoked!

Night night folks, have a good week ahead!

Au revoir.

2011-12-25T15:29:00.001+08:00

I guess it's time to stop the games and grow up.

Not easy as it seems because it's always easier said than done.

Mumbo jumbo.

2011-12-23T03:10:00.000+08:00

I love watching movies with an inspiring story behind it. Movies which affect me and inspire me to do good and be a better person. Ooh ooh, plus movies which have Matt Damon in it. Saving Private Ryan, The Bourne Identity, Stuck On You. Hunka hunka dory heh heh heh. But seriously. Invictus was a great great movie. So now I know rugby ain't just a sport where men throw themselves on their opponents and go "Urghhh! Aaaargh!". There's actually a goal behind it. To get the ball or... thing to the other side by passing it sideways or backwards, without breaking an arm, leg, or neck. And other vital body parts as well. But I still don't get why the men have to look like beefcakes. Yeeks.

Anyway it feels good to be home. Scratch that, it feels great to be home. I've missed so so many things over here. I feel like hugging the Banglahs that are doing construction work under my block and the auntie cleaners at the public toilets and the mats and minahs and the ah bengs and ah lians and oh, everyone if I could! Heh. Only a metaphor, only a metaphor. Now don't go around getting ideas.

Parisian life, I guess, just isn't for me. The crowded Metro, freshie-littered pavements, the cold, biting wind, the many touts that roam the streets. Naaaaah. Maybe in another life I guess. The girls there are absolutely gorgeous and the men, whoooaa dang don't even let me go there. Yes unabashedly I am going to admit that they're hot. Good-looking, exotic men with a whole lotta height dang it. But nah, their world and my world. Peanuts. But come to think of it I don't think I've even seen a not-good-looking person there. Saw plenty of women walking around with their Longchamps and Pradas and they look so pretty even mothers of 3 look like they're models what the heck! Tell me about it. If they can do it so can I.

And look at the stuff that I've bought!

Not all are for me, of course. I had a hard hard time looking for souvenirs, because who wants to get a €2 Eiffel Tower keychain right? No seriously. Because I definitely wouldn't...want to get one, if my friend went to Paris...if you know what I mean. OKAY ANYWAY. I ~~finally~~ got my birthday present(s) over there too, one from Mama and one from Papa. Funny, their reason for the late late gifts? They didn't know what to get me. Well they did ask me what I wanted and I did tell them.

I said, "World peace for humankind."

So what I got wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but hmm, it's good enough. They're somewhere in the picture, not gonna tell you though heh heh heh. I know. I'm being annoying. Kinda good at that. Ask my sisters heh.

Anyhooooo, I'm still feeling wide awake and chipper now. Must adjust my body clock soon 'coz school's gonna start soon. And I must start gym-ing already! Been a week and a half since I last went. Tomorrow's going to be a pretty busy day. Haiqal's booking out at 4.30pm and after that we're off to FP's bbq wheehoo! Heard his voice for like 2 minutes while I was in the cinema just now. So so happy to hear his voice, my god. AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM TOMORROW! Aiyeeeyeee!! Missed that beanie boy so much :') Thank goodness for all the video calls and the whatsapp and the msn conversations and the letters from camp and the pictures he gave me. That kept me going for the 4 days of non-contact. Eeee so mushy okay I stop.

On a random (and honest) note.

Dang I can't wait to take the SBS bus tomorrow.

Morning Call.

2011-12-23T01:53:00.002+08:00

Something we all need to tell ourselves at the start of the day.

:):

2011-12-20T15:26:00.001+08:00

Down. Sad. Not feeling so fantastic. I can't explain this feeling.

Could it be a jumble of two different emotions combined into one?

You say you know yourself, Nurul Nabila.

I'm here to ask you: Are you sure?

You.

2011-12-20T05:28:00.001+08:00

Heartache; when I think of you.

I'm sorry Paris, my heart belongs somewhere else instead.

I can't wait to go home.

Mayday Mayday.

2011-12-17T17:31:00.001+08:00

Pardon me for not looking like 'em hot, leggy Parisian chicks.

Day 2 was cold. Freezing cold. Had a simple breakfast made up of French loaf, croissants, butter, jam and hot milo. Didn't have lunch all the way till dinner, which by then we were starving after hours of exploring and walking around. It was Nabby Nooby's clumsy day; I almost got left behind on the train when I jumped on it the moment the door closed, leaving the rest of the family behind at the platform, staring with their mouths agape. Thank goodness my dad pressed the 'Door Open' button before the train moved. Didn't felt really shaken up though. Was already thinking of a contingency plan of stopping at the next station to wait for the rest of the family to meet me there. That's always been the back-up plan. That or running off with a French male model. OF COURSE I'm just kidding.

Also I stepped onto a pile of fresh dog poo, or "freshie" as my sisters like to call it. Was busy walking infront and turning around to pose as Amirah said, "1,2,3, turn!" that I didn't realize a freshie had been lodged in the new incredibly cheap boot my dad bought for me. What a downer.

Today seems like a pretty laid-back day. Papa and Amirah are off to the bank to change some money, Mama's still bathing and Shahirah and me are just taking our own sweet time to get ready. It's going on 10:30 now, and knowing my mum, I predict we'll leave this apartment in an hour's time. Breakfast was made by yours truly and her sisters as well. Quite a simple breakfast actually. Pan-fried breaded fish sticks, scrambled eggs and toasted French loaf. Plus the leftover seafood pasta with basil sauce we had last night for dinner. Yes we do eat a lot over here. Hello carbo.

Just hope today wouldn't be as freeeeezing cold like it was yesterday. The rain was merciless as we walked down the streets of Champs De Elysee. T'was like having little hails of ice pelting you and piercing through your skin. OF COURSE I'm just exaggerating. But it felt a bit like that to me. Hands were numb all the way. Thank goodness for the $2 hand warmer thingy Shahirah bought from Daiso. So cool.

Alright then enough babbling. Mama just got out of the toilet, dang.

Maybe my prediction was wrong. Have a good Saturday!

Alo!

2011-12-16T10:31:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulillah! We've reached! It's been a very cold and freezing Thursday afternoon by far. The plane ride was goooood. Papa gave me a pill to eat 30 mins before the flight to prevent motion-sickness and thank goodness for that. I didn't feel at all nauseous or drowsy and ate all my plane food with such gusto that it would put a horse (or a pig) to shame.

It's now 3:30am in Paris and the whole family woke up around the same time because we slept around 7pm last night lol. It's raining now; the wind is strong and the clouds are a very pale purple. Gonna blog a lil and then go to sleep back, 'coz I'm feeling a biiiit sleepy now.

And I would like to say that I've missed a certain someone so very much! Thank goodness for MSN video call! Had a few of those when I reached the apartment and before I went to bed. It felt really good to be able to see him and hear him. I felt like it was possible to reach over and touch him haha. Sayang if you're reading this please know that I've missed you. And that I wish you were here! And I know you're waiting for me to finish blogging so that I can chat with you a bit more before I go back to sleep so thus I shall end this post with a...

Goodnight folks!

Surf whurf.

2011-12-14T12:52:00.001+08:00

So that's it.

Finally accomplished some things that I had to do like completing the EPMS form and hunting for a coat. Bought one at H&M with Haiqal yesterday and it is so...sigh. The price is yowza but I'm in love. Heh.

I still can't believe I'll be leaving for Paris in 10 hours or so. Not feeling the excitement yet but I'm sure I'll feel excited once I'm boarding the plane. It's the first day of surfing the crimson waves today and my tummy feels ache-y and my legs feel tingly. I hope I'll feel better before the flight. Don't wanna have all that on the plane man. Yeesh. Looking forward to the plane food and the movie marathon I'm gonna have onboard.

Right now I'm just excited about getting to wear the new coat and the new beanie I bought at Payless to Paris. Haha sounds so lame lol. But yeah. Just hope it's not too freezing cold when we get there in the morning.

I still haven't packed my bag yet, don't know why I've been putting it off since god knows when. But I'll do it right after this post, guides promise haha. OOH. And how was my birthday?

Welllllll.... to be brutally honest I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything and say that it was the best birthday out of all the birthdays but meh, I'm not gonna say it sucked either but I guess it was in the middle? Certain things made me happy and certain things did not, but otherwise heyyyy I'm 20. Like finally. So that's what matters the most.

Urgh and I didn't get to do the crazy thing that I wanted to do on ma birthday, so that was quite a bummer :( But oh well i guess I'm too obedient to my parents? Either way I'll do this before 30. So I shall just wait. There are a million other crazy things I wanna do but hey if it isn't the right time then it isn't. Suck on it, Nabby. Haha angsty angsty.

I'm going to miss Haiqal a lot. I wish I could stuff him in my suitcase. Papa told me if Haiqal was free, he could come along and join us provided he pay his own ticket and I was like, "AREYOUSERIOUS!?!" but sigh reality just slapped me in the face. He can't because of his NS. But can you imagine if he was following us! Ohmagawd I'll just die...of happiness. Hahaha. But hmmmm. Maybe not. I'd rather it be just the two of us on a romantic getaway or an adventure-driven one. First country we'd visit? I told him either Switzerland or New Zealand, 'coz I wanna try paragliding and white-water rafting and all the other crazy stupid shit together. Teehee can't wait.

Must save up money already hehe. Shall update this space when I can.

Till then, have an awesome Wednesday!

Unspoken Words

2011-12-11T00:20:00.001+08:00

It's Sunday, December 11, 0020 and...

I'm doing my EPMS form now.

Happy birthday to me.

Dec 10

2011-12-10T12:50:00.001+08:00

Speak the truth.

2011-12-09T09:22:00.001+08:00

Change change change.

Good change, bad change, fortunate change, unfortunate change.

So hard to evade this lil thing called change.

Happy Happy.

2011-12-05T23:00:00.001+08:00

(Okay I know my face is annoying.)

But oh gosh, I had a swell swell day out with him.

And to be honest, just by looking into his eyes, his smile,

I fell in love all over again.

Fail.

2011-12-02T14:57:00.001+08:00

With regards to my previous post. I watched 3 more episodes of HIMYM without even laying a hand on my EPMS form. Oh well guess I'll do it tomorrow. Or maybe Sunday. Monday sounds good too.

I know. I suck.

Ze Bro Code

2011-12-02T13:38:00.001+08:00

Okay so the Bro Code does make a lot of sense sometimes. Barney Stintson, you're a genius. Okay maybe not you per se, but the writers behind the show and your character. Heh.

On the other hand, I've got to stop being so addicted to HIMYM!

I've watched more than 5 episodes in a row yesterday night, that is simply craaaazeeee. But ohmygosh I am so desperate to know what's gonna happen to Barney and Robyn! If they end up together I would just be mighty shocked.

Phew. Okay, Nurul Nabila stop procrastinating. Nothing good ever comes out of procrastination and you know that. One last episode for you before you go update your EPMS form and search for interesting things to do other than shopping at Paree.

P.S- Meeting Syaz and Shadrina later whaddup! Hope they don't laugh at my mullet hair. Because I so totally would... Um, laugh... At my um, own hair...
Okay that's just stupid. Okay bye.

Deep down inside. Deep down.

2011-12-01T22:10:00.001+08:00

Sayang, hearing your voice for 10 minutes each day isn't enough. Tonight, when you called and I rushed to the phone and I heard your voice fill the receiver, don't ask me why, but the tears just flowed. A lot. Perhaps it's got to do with the fact that there is so much guilt that I feel after all the things that I've put you through. And the fact that you still love me so much after all the hurt that you've tried to push away.

And when you tell me that you have guard duty on Saturday and that you can only book out on Sunday morning, my heart just... I don't know. I guess it wept. I need to see you, I want your hands held tight in mine, and I want to tell you that whatever we're going through, we can do this. I don't need any distractions. I don't want them. I just want you by my side.

Forever and always.

Ya Allah please give me the strength to be patient, and please please please...

Keep him safe wherever he is and whatever he's doing.

Amin.

Nom nom nom.

2011-12-01T18:41:00.001+08:00

First attempt at making pasta with alfredo sauce with the sissies! Okay fine, sistas!

So it was a fusion of prawns, (imitation) crab meat, chicken and mushroom balls, real mushrooms, and celery. Yum yum yum yum.

I'd give it a 7/10, because we put too much cheese in it. Cream cheese, parmesan cheese, and all the milk my god. Thank goodness we don't eat this everyday.

Nevertheless it was a fun experience and I can't wait to cook again hehe.

Hope I won't burn the kitchen hee.

Oompa Loompa

2011-12-01T13:13:00.001+08:00

Howdy ho y'all! Daaaang, barely half the day has passed and I am pooped.

Spend a good hour plus or so at the gym and really sweated it out. I think I stank to high heaven when I left the place. Which is good, means I gotta bathe. Again. And since today I decided that I was going to cook dinner with my sisters for the family, I did some last-minute grocery shopping at the supermarket. Gah I absolutely loooove supermarkets.

I somehow love the feeling of being on the hunt for something. Like just now when I was trying to find mushrooms and I kept muttering to myself, "Mushrooms, mushrooms, where are you. Aha! Gotcha!" And the linguine VS angel hair debate. I know what you're thinking. Okaaaaay hahaha. Sorry I'm just inclined to do that, I don't know why. And to think that I had no idea what in the world I was gonna cook. I stepped into the supermarket and was like, "Whoa what did I come here for again?" I really had no idea what I should cook. In the end I decided to try making some alfredo pasta, so thank God for 3G. On the spot I decided to look for recipes online, standing idly by the milk section lol. Sorry to all the aunties I was blocking. Dang that place is cramp!

And the interesting part was all the help I got from random strangers. Like when I didn't know what type of stick butter to use for the sauce, a kind, old Indian lady took some time to explain to me what the different type of butter are used for and helped me locate where the cream cheese was.

It's all good. I actually find myself enjoying this whole process of looking for ingredients and actually learning new things while at it. And I hope this isn't a one-time thing. Must start training from now on, since my mum have taught us basically everything except cooking and the washing machine part. Yes, I still haven't learnt how to operate that...thing. But it's okay, everything takes time to learn. I'm starting to feel more productive now, like I am doing something in my life. And if the pasta doesn't taste as delicious as Jamie Oliver's or Gordon Ramsay's well then it's okay. At least I tried my best. Good chefs aren't born overnight y'know. AHJEY. Stop it eh Nabby.

Psssst. Muhammad Haiqal if you are reading this. I'm doing this for you too. And I hope you'll smile when you see that I'm making the effort. I love you.

I'm happy where I am now, yes I am.

Alhamdulillah.

Guess what?

2011-11-30T20:38:00.001+08:00

Teeheehee t'was my virgin pedicure experience today. Okay I know my feet look so cacat, but focus on the nails. It was quite a relaxing experience. I enjoyed it really much, especially when it was with a bunch of friends that you can talk and talk to. Beda and Syaz! Danke danke! And Rozette too hahahaha.

Got a $50 voucher from Pink Parlour as a thank-you gift for performing at Zouk for their Pink Ribbon Party so we went to try the pedicure. Had actually opted for the 'Make Me Up' treatment so that we girls could be made up ~~and look like drag queens~~ and go, "Shopping!"But we ended up procrastinating and since we booked one day before, pedicure was the only treatment that had 3 slots free so off we went!

It started out okay, but once the pedicurist touched my toes I swear I had to control myself from stabbing her in the eye. It was that ticklish! I had to squeeze the pillow to control myself from giggling and moving around. But after that as the conversation flowed and I forgot all about the ticklish sensation and relaxed.

Was supposed to leave at around 5 or 6 to go for gym, but we ended up having a late lunch and then accompanying Syaz and Rozette for their project, after which we just sat by the steps of NLB and just talked. A lot. So we ended up leaving the place at 7. Yikes.

But it was swell, talking to them. We've all got issues that we need to share and let out. It makes me feel happy and lighter inside, knowing that there are 2 people I can just be 'Nabby' with and share with them stuff. I sense a tighter and closer friendship between us, Alhamdulillah. We're more than just bandmates man, I guess we gotta make the effort to be friends and know each other on a more personal level, and not be like, "Eh amaciam." when we meet for prac/busking and then "Aite, see ya around." once it ends. Y'know what I'm saying? It's like a hi-bye friendship, others might be okay with that, but once I feel it can be more than that, that it can be like a lifetime friendship kinda thing, I'll always vow to make the effort to keep the friendship alive.

'Coz that's just how I roll, heh. Well, gotta say bye-bye to my freshly pedicured nails. I gotta praaaay yaw yaw. Even if it's nice and all I guess it's just not me to keep my nails coloured. Pedicured yes, but not coloured. What with solat and all. But yes, even if I was surfing the crimson wave I'm not really interested in colouring them. I always thought it made me look too girly. And I for one am not "too girly."

'Coz that's just how I roll. Haha whatever.

Hope your Wednesday was awesome!

Vague.

2011-11-30T09:59:00.001+08:00

Okay that is not a mini diaper on my nose. Was attempting to get rid of some dizzguzzting shizz on my nose so yes, it's a Biore Pore Pack. Time check now, it's 09:59am. Today's plans are pretty vague. And when I say vague I mean, okay what time am I supposed to leave house again and what am I supposed to do again? Yeap, that kinda vague. And I hate having no plans, no sense of direction. It's like for me I need to have an agenda, go out there and do it, and then only will I feel satisfied that I've accomplished what I've set out to do.

Sidenote: Paris is really beautiful at night sigh. My turn will come!

Must. Be. Patient.

Oh but the Eiffel Tower and the lights -

Nabby shoosh.

10:41PM

2011-11-29T22:41:00.001+08:00

I can never get sick of this movie.

Ever.

Terrific Tuesday

2011-11-29T15:23:00.001+08:00

3 days into my one-month break and I'm like, meeeeeh. I've never been good with holidays. I'd rather have my life occupied with something, be it school or work. Anything to keep my mind off the fact that knowing myself, I would rot each day away and not be productive at all. I mean, I know I've got so many things to do. Movies in my (brand new sexy red) harddrive to watch, books that I've borrowed from the library to read, having meet-ups with the friends whom I've missed and also not forgetting going to the gym at least 3 times a week and doing all the housework and being a good daughter and all.

Sidenote: I must really learn how to use the washing machine and conquer my fear of hanging the clothes outside. I just get really dizzy when I look 8 storeys down. Yikes.

But knowing myself I'd just waste the whole day away and probably spend half the time sleeping. Yes I love sleeping. A lot.
Such is sleep- one of the cheapest and greatest things in life.

That aside, I don't really have nothing much planned for today. Just gotta help my dad look for cheap apartments to rent out for our short stay in Paris. It was either Milan or Barcelona and I desperately wanted to go there to explore since we've been to Paris before but the Mother and the Sister wanted Paris really badly. So yes, majority is the rule so I have no choice but to give in to them. Plus it's kinda summer-ish in Milan anyway sooo yeap. I mean, if I wanted summer I'd just stay here thank you very much. Hope everything goes according to plan since my family's always so last minute. Good thing is they bought all the food already, now we just gotta wait for my mum to give the green light aka confirmation of seats!

It'd be fun going to Paris and spending the first few days of being 20 there. Okay who am I kidding. Like there's a chance I'll get to do something that's R21 over there, unless I'm going there with a bunch of friends. Which reminds me. Things to do before I turn 30: Explore Europe with a bunch of friends. Or with my husband. Not boyfriend, not fiance, but husband. Because I still have red tape wrapped around me until I'm married, how sad. Read: Muhammad Haiqal please marry me quickly thanks.

But whatever. And I know I've said this one too many times before, but seriously, good things come to those who wait. Oooh. The clouds are getting darker and the wind is getting colder and stronger. Gosh I just love weather like this. Perfect weather to snuggle in the bed with a book and sleep. Together with your husband, if you're married. Aww. Okay what the heck Nabby.

Tuesday, be good to me! InsyaAllah.

City of Love & Lights

2011-11-28T23:05:00.001+08:00

2005, Paris.

Till we set foot there again.

InsyaAllah, if all plans are go.

Cold Monday

2011-11-28T21:42:00.001+08:00

Fruitful, fruitful day.

Met with my RO to go through the work review form in the morning, went to the gym after that, had a cool and long walk home in the drizzling rain, took a nice luscious nap, and had a hot delicious dinner with my family.

Something's missing in the picture.

Or rather someone.

Sigh.

Fact #143

2011-11-28T00:19:00.001+08:00

You are my everything.

Believe. Believe. Believe.

2011-11-27T17:23:00.001+08:00

Because I believe everything happens for a reason.
People come and go for a reason.

Emotions change, feelings emerge.
We feel happy, sad, angry, desperate, exasperated for a reason.

Sometimes we feel like we can't go on, that life is too difficult to go through. Questions surface, we feel angry, we question God, and we ask ourselves, "Why? Why does this have to happen? Because I am not strong enough to go through this, this pain, this suffering."

There might not be much that we can control in our lives;
some things we can and sometimes we can't.

But I believe in giving the best, and having faith in myself,
in Allah, that everything will work out for the better in the end. Amin.

You can't predict the future, you can't tell if something really bad is gonna come your way. Believing, to me, is like walking through a long and dark tunnel blindfolded. You can feel the ground beneath your feet, and you use your hands to guide yourself to know that you're going straight, that's you're not veering off the path. You don't know where the tunnel leads to, you don't know what's waiting for you on the other side. But you are take comfort in the fact that you just somehow know know that you will make it to the other side safe and sound. Because you put all your trust, your hope, and your faith in Him.

Because you know He always will guide you.

-

2011-11-25T22:54:00.001+08:00

Sigh.

Clap your hands.

2011-11-25T07:10:00.001+08:00

Take control of your life.

Grab it by the reins, let it bring you wherever you want it to go.

If you're not happy, change something.

Do something different for a change.

Go on an adventure.

Find yourself, go ahead and discover a new you.

On a happiness scale of 1 to 10, I'd say I'm at 7.

Technically, 8 if I have Hql (and warm walnut brownies with me now) but that's okay.

As I said, good things come to those who wait.

So wait, shall I.

Verbal Vomit II

2011-11-24T23:47:00.001+08:00

Some things are certainly better left unsaid. Sometimes it's better to keep calm, and really stop and think whether an issue is worth fighting or arguing about. It's annoying when people around you make false accusations based on vague terms. They don't know what's going on, yet they think they do. Well, newsflash, I'm not going to entertain baseless facts, and neither am I going to let you provoke me, so you can say all the things you want from your mouth, each word dripping with venom and poison, but as long as I myself know that my conscience is clear, who the heck are you to judge and think you know the situation better than I do? You don't, trust me, you don't. So what does that make you? Someone who can't go around talking BS, that's for sure.

But hey y'know. If it makes you happy, you can say all you want. I hope it gives you great pleasure when you blast words from your mouth without thinking. Never say things when you are angry. Never. Because nothing good ever happens after that. True story.

I am trying to be patient with everything that's going on. Trying to keep myself together. I don't want to blow up, I don't want to create a scene, I don't want to let WORDS get to me when I know they aren't even true. I've been taking deep breaths, trying to control my emotions when I speak, trying to watch my mouth, my language, my volume. Be patient, the little voice in my head whispers. Don't let this get to you.

Biar orang buat kita, jangan kita buat orang. The faith in this heart, in Allah, is going strong. Alhamdulillah. Because I believe good things come to those who wait, and also to those who have been patient enough to go through all the obstacles that's gone their way.

Sidenote:

Funny how the people whom you think should know you better,

turn out to be those who don't know squat.

Time don't slow down.

2011-11-24T18:24:00.001+08:00

Nobody knows how I truly feel deep down inside.

Two more days. Just two more days.

Ya Allah please give me the strength to keep holding on.

6:35 AM

2011-11-24T06:35:00.001+08:00

Happiness comes from within; when you take delight in the fact that you are doing something good, be it for yourself, a friend, or for the society. The feelings of amusement, contentment and satisfaction will ignite slowly like a tiny spark in your heart, and the more you continue doing the things that make you feel happy inside, the more your heart feels whole, and the higher the chances of you facing life's toughest obstacle with a sanguine and buoyant perspective.

Only you can control how you feel.

Yes I am already awake.

Seems like I tend to be more philosophical in the morning.

I Miss...

2011-11-23T21:38:00.001+08:00

...making you laugh.

...you making me laugh.

...hearing you laugh.

...seeing you smile.

...seeing you making me smile.

...touching your fuzzy head.

...you tucking my hair behind my ear.

...pinching your cheeks.

...you pinching mine.

...annoying the crap out of you.

...you annoying the crap out of me.

...acting stupid with you.

...you acting stupid with me.

...staring at you.

...you staring at me.

...making retarded faces at you.

...you acting retarded with me.

...holding your hand in crowded places.

...you holding mine tightly, leading the way.

Most of all I miss just being with you.

Stop being superficial.

2011-11-23T19:47:00.001+08:00

A: You're so pretty!

B: Eww like nooo, you are waaaay prettier than me.

A: No, really! You're seriously gorgeous. I am soo jealous of you.

B: Awww really? But everytime I see you I'm like, she's so pweedy I wanna be like her.

*cue fake bimbotic laughter teeheeheee*

C: Will you just shut up. We are all uniquely beautiful, so suck it.

Heart VS Brain

2011-11-23T14:52:00.001+08:00

Urgh I hate this feeling. Who's with me!

Goodnight Monday.

2011-11-22T00:25:00.001+08:00

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more,

that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our mind."

- The Notebook

Just Sayin'

2011-11-21T21:53:00.001+08:00

Don't agree about the 'crazy parties' part though.

Sweat Sweat!

2011-11-21T20:28:00.001+08:00

So today was a really productive day. Productive in terms of activities that are good for the mind, body and soul. It's okay if you don't understand what I've just said because eh, I don't too. Naw I'm just kidding. So I finally signed up to a member of this womens-only gym. Well I hope it is a decision I won't ever regret, considering the amount of moolah I paid upfront. Ohmygosh I could buy so many pairs of heels mmm and many many shirts from Threadless. Yeesh Nabby. You better make full use of the membership.

So there was gym in the morning followed by an hour or so of badminton with some of the guy teachers in school. Was the only female around, and somehow I didn't play as well as I would have expected myself too. Guess I was really rusty! Been a long time since I badminton-ed. The last time I played was in TP a few months back, playing alongside Haiqal, Aiman, Wan and Syed. Awesome times. Did have a lot of fun sweating just now though. Shirt was soaked through man oh man. Love sweaty activities! Body hasn't ached yet, but am prepared for that tomorrow morning. Body please be good to me.

After the whole morning of physical activities, I finally had my long-awaited breakfast and lunch, okay fine brunch, at Simpang Bedok with them. Looking forward to more bonding with the colleagues :) Oh, oh! And I'm so so happy, because I finally finally finally went to the library to borrow some books. Didn't manage to find new books by James Patterson though, that was a downer. Tampines Library why you no bring in latest books. But I did get Foxtrot at least. Though I've read that for god-knows-how-many-times. Never mind, must be thankful for all the little things in life that make me happy :)

I vow to be in control of myself and my emotions. I don't want to get too carried away and get influenced by any sort of negativity vibes. Yikes I'm talking like some yoga guru lol but really, I have discovered that the secret to being happy is simply to decide if you want to be happy, or not. As simple as that.

In 6 weeks, I hope to see some change in me, be it physically and emotionally.

Nurul Nabila, you can do this. 'Course you can.

Bismillah.

Atten-hut!

2011-11-20T15:32:00.001+08:00

Hope to send him off later to, where else- the MRT station again. It's funny how we say our goodbyes; it's like I'm sending him off at the airport and he's going for some long overseas stint. That and the way we keep looking back and waving at each other when he's gone past the turnstiles. Just like some drama show at Vasantham Channel. Seriously. Lol.

Goodbye soldier, I hope this week passes by fast and I'll see you again on Saturday.

Please say you will be able to make it for busking because I miss having you as my surdo partner!

Thank you for all the sacrifices that you've made. I know it's painful and it pains me to know that you keep such feelings inside, but please believe me that I would never dream of hurting you.

I love you too much to let that get in our way.

Another Saturday.

2011-11-19T15:56:00.001+08:00

In school on a cold, Saturday afternoon. Most people would think we're nutsos for coming back here but hey, free internet yaw. And did I mention sockets too? And I would like to think that since I applied to be an alumni of TP, I am entitled to use these facilities without feeling the tiniest sense of guilt hehe.

Looking at the heavy rain now, I just hope that it's possible for the delivery guy to deliver our food safely. Didn't eat much today; just had 2 epok-epoks for breakfast because I woke up kindaaaa late. And when I woke up and looked at the room ohmygosh it looked as if a hurricane stopped by. Can't believe my sisters left the house with the room in that state yeesh! Took me more than half hour to get everything neat and tidy.

Poor Haiqal had to leave the school for a short while because the ATM machine in school was down. And he was already sneezing and sneezing before the rain came, poor thing
:( Should have given him my umbrella before he left! Just hope he comes back here safe and dry.

Shall blog about Who Am I Part II later perhaps. That is if I'm not tired. I feel like playing Uno Stacko with my family before I sleep so I hope they're in the mood for it hehe.

Sidenote:

Today, more than ever am I determined not to let anything or anyone get in the way of me being happy. I just need to remember to take deep breaths and calm myself down should a problem occur and ask myself if it is worth being upset about.

I can do this.

Who am I? Part I.

2011-11-19T13:51:00.001+08:00

Okay I know Haiqal would kill me if he knows that I'm blogging when I'm supposed to be getting ready to meet him, but dang I just feel that I gotta pen, or rather type, my thoughts down.

While scrubbing the bathroom tiles just now, I was having all sorts of thoughts in my heads. The toilet-washing activity didn't occur to me as being monotonous or boring like it usually would. In actual fact I found it to be very relaxing, it's like time alone for myself- just me and my thoughts and nothing else to interrupt it.

So, what was occupying my head just now?

The big question was- Who am I? Or rather, who am I on an independent level? It's like I've shared 3+ years of my life with Muhammad Haiqal, and sometimes I think that I've forgotten how to be myself. Who am I without him? Do I act differently? Am I a totally different person? It was rather interesting to think about it. As much as I would like to talk about it here, in long elaborate form, I can't because simply said there isn't time. I want to see him today fast and spend some quality time so maybe I'll continue later.

All I know is that I am going to prove to myself that I can do things on my own.

Starting today.

Reminder.

2011-11-19T12:44:00.001+08:00

Embrace every second.

Because every second that ticks by, is a second you won't ever get back.

:'(

2011-11-15T23:11:00.001+08:00

I am writing this here because I need to clear my thoughts. I can't process all these thoughts in my head, because as a loser that I am, I am bound to cry. I just feel really sad and alone right now. I'm sinking into a bottomless pit. I know you're trying to make me see what's wrong and what's right for me, but how can I make you see that I know what's best for me? I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Please don't.

Because I can't.

I can promise you that I will try, but I know myself.
Deep inside I know what I want 50 years down the road.

Please.

Love 'love'.

2011-11-15T15:47:00.001+08:00

When I'm with you I feel safe. The ideal word would be: Comfortable.

I know you won't judge me for wearing something so slack while on a date. I know you won't mind if I say I'd rather go to school to watch How I Met Your Mother on my laptop instead of going to town. I like how you always say I look beautiful when you see me. Even when I roll my eyes after that and say, "Sayang, change script please." For 3 years straight it's hard to think that I still look beautiful in your eyes. But I'm glad I still do.

I love how you make me feel beautiful, and how you let me act stupid as I want to, act as crazy as I want to, and yet you wouldn't bat an eyelid. I love how we fight over the lamest things. But what I love more is how we reconcile and come to a compromise- when we work together as a team. I love how we have a secret look that we give each other, that only you and I are aware of. Sometimes you just know when deep down I mean a 'no' when I say a 'yes'.

I love how you know me more than I know myself, and I love how you push me to be the best that I can be. I love how you want me to be more confident in myself and not depend on so much make-up to hide my flaws. I love the way we are now, even though I see you once a week and it's always never enough to make up for the time lost.

Simply said, I love the way we roll.

Hurry hurry.

2011-11-15T09:27:00.001+08:00

Friday, please come quick.

I need my best friend here.

Phonecall.

2011-11-15T06:08:00.001+08:00

Was looking forward to a nice conversation with you yesterday night because I've missed you already. But you didn't call. I just hope everything's okay over there. That you are safe, and that you'll be physically and mentally strong to go through all the hardships in camp.

And pray that you'll call me tonight because I just want to hear your voice.

:)

2011-11-14T08:47:00.001+08:00

Just you.

Birthday schbirthday.

2011-11-13T11:11:00.001+08:00

I'm not one to make a big hoo-hah if it's my birthday. Most of the times I'll be, "Ohmygosh I'm turning a year older. What I have done with my life so far?" Followed by some moments of reflection. And of course, checking the mirror to see if I have any grey hair yet. Heh just kidding.

I don't know...a lot of people make a huge fuss out of birthdays. Extravagant parties held in posh hotels, in restaurants, in chalets, in a special function room etc... The funny thing is that I really don't fancy having huge, elaborate birthday parties. What more organizing it. Yeesh. I suck at planning. And I don't really see myself going around and making small talk with people and asking if they're having a good time at my birthday party and whether they've had enough cake and blah blah blah. Okay so I'm not really a hostess with the mostess. But eek, sorry man, that's just not me.

I'd like to think that a memorable birthday activity would be just me spending a quiet evening out with a few of my close friends, having a ball of a time without spending so much. Or perhaps having a nice, simple dinner with my family. I'm only turning a year older, so what's the big deal? I'm not trying to give out hints or whatever, but yes. That's just my point of view. It's okay if there isn't any cake, any presents. A simple birthday wish would do. Nothing too over the top, because that's just not my style.

This year I plan to do something really crazy. Something that wouldn't even cross my mind a year ago. Thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies, but I made a vow to myself that I'll celebrate my turning 20 by doing just that. It's crazy, but oh what the heck, I'll be damned if I lived my whole life without doing this. Because of this I'll be half looking forward to 11 December and half not really looking forward to it. Just hope I won't chicken out on the day itself. Because once I've done this, I would like to think that I'm sure as hell ready to face my other unspoken fears. And believe me, do I have tons of it.

I can't help feeling that this year's going to be a little different. I have to mentally prepare myself for the fact that Hql won't be there to celebrate it with me. It is indeed a real downer, not having someone you love to celebrate a meaningful day with you, but I'm sure we can do it some other time. There are 365 days in a year, I'm sure we can find time to have a nice, quiet celebration.

And as I'm getting older it seems like I'm beginning to see things a little differently. I'm starting to appreciate the tiniest little things in life. Starting to tell myself, "Nurul Nabila, you are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Go and do the things you've been wanting to do before it's too late." It's like I savour each and every moment. The argument with my parents yesterday morning? Forgotten, because I would like to see myself as fortunate that I am not tooootally restricted. I just need to learn how to prioritize. I'm starting to pick my battles wisely, and disregard unimportant ones. And perhaps also, starting to realize the flaws in me that can be changed.

I hope to see a new me soon.

Zaterdag.

2011-11-12T22:24:00.001+08:00

I had the most memorable Saturday ever.

We shopped, we sang, we danced, we Kinected in public, we ate good food,

and the most important thing we did?

We laughed.

Nothing like a good laugh with someone you love to lift your spirits up and make you feel like you can take on any dang challenge in the world.

Thank you for that, Muhammad Haiqal.

Angst. Angst. Angst.

2011-11-12T11:32:00.001+08:00

I am DONE.

Done with talking, done with trying to come to a compromise, done trying to fight for my non-existent rights, and I am done with all this bullshit. You want to do this to me, go ahead. Like there's anything I can do or say to make you change your mind. I may cry in front of you and make you think that I am weak, or I may even have scary suicidal thoughts that appear out of nowhere and make me seem delusional. But let me tell you something. Deep inside within me I know there is a fighter. You can take away my freedom, take away my sources of happiness, take away anything and everything that makes my life worth living, but you're never taking away ME.

With that I will suffer in silence and let the hurt show in my eyes, but I shall no longer speak of the things that no longer matter to you. After all there's no point in telling you how I feel, right?

I'm not defeated, I'm just accepting the fact that there is no use fighting for something that's not within my reach. Do what you want. Because I know everything happens for a reason and that I will always emerge stronger after each battle.

Just don't push it.

TBH.

2011-11-12T02:29:00.001+08:00

It's just that I don't see what you see when I look into the mirror.

I'm half-afraid that you will be disappointed when I'm not the person you make me out to be.

But it's alright. Because you don't judge me for the person that I am, the things that I do and the emotions that I let out. Because who are we to judge in the first place when God (yours & mine) made us all uniquely different?

Thank you for all the meaningful conversations; you know who you are.

Always.

2011-11-12T02:24:00.001+08:00

When the world gets too heavy

Put it on my back

I'll be your levy

You are taking me apart

Like bad glue

On a get well card

It was always you

Falling for me

Now there's always time

Calling for me

I'm the light blinking at the end of the road

Blink back to let me know

- Always, Panic! At The Disco

Temporary Self-Pity

2011-11-11T14:28:00.001+08:00

It's not that I intend to feel this way, or hurt anybody. I just want the best of both worlds, is that too much to ask? I'm supposed to feel glad that today is a Friday, but somehow I feel as though it's Monday instead, and all the stress about work is just occupying my mind. I didn't have as much rest as I would have loved to yesterday, thus maybe the crappy and dreary attitude? Or is there something else sinister lying deep down, that only I know the answer to? Just wish there was something that could at least brighten my day and make me go through this slow day with a smile. The adorable kids were a distraction, but after a few minutes the heavy feeling sank in again. I don't know how I'm going to manage being in the class for 5 periods in a row, but it looks like I ain't got a choice but to just suck it up yaw.

Oh heart, why do you make me feel this way?
For the first time I am actually feeling confused. This is bad.

To be or not to be,

2011-11-11T09:31:00.001+08:00

A smile from ear to ear.

2011-11-10T22:41:00.001+08:00

I feel as though I'm floating on cloud nine. I'm really, really blessed to have really awesome friends, bandmates, family and not forgetting also an amazing best friend who turned out to be someone that I have loved for 3 years.

Honestly, friends really made a difference in my life. In this month itself I am thankful to have rekindle friendships that have been forgotten, and forged a memorable friendship with another. Alhamdulillah. In a way, it makes the pain of missing Haiqal go away. I get so distracted with work and having fun with these amazing friends that I can just numb myself from feeling lonely. 4 days of field camp with no means of communication whatsoever; I am bound to go nutso like a whacko. But it's okay. Because it gives me time to reflect on the person that I am on an independent level.

I didn't really mope around when he left...well okay to be completely honest I did on the first night. But as the days passed I realized that I've got so much more to live for. I love meeting my long-lost friend from madrasah and going to the gym with her. I love crapping and being myself around her. I feel as though she is the (girl) best friend I never had. Babe if you're reading this, I don't know what took us so long to actually have a decent meet-up but I'm really thankful that we finally did, after 14 long years of friendship.

Another person that I am thankful to have forged a memorable friendship with is none other than a friend from work. Work, of all places. We can talk about so many things and have lengthy conversations about the things that matter in life without being judged. And like what he said, none of those superficial things in our conversations. Just the stuff that really matters. And when we talk we can be totally honestly honest with each other without feeling funny or embarrassed. And that's what I like about this friendship.

And hey Gabby if you're reading this I just want you to know that you're just cool like that man. Like, whadduup cool. Plus did I mention that he's single, but not quite yet available? And it has since become my (and other colleagues') mission to find him a really nice girl, so ladies whatcha waiting for?

Drop 'em applications yaw!

I feel this week has been a really quality-fied week in terms of work, family and friendship. One huge aspect's missing though, and you know who it is. I cannot wait to see him on Saturday. It's like as if I'm reuniting with a long-lost lover coming back from the World War! I've missed him so much.

In the meantime I shall pray for Friday to pass by really fast so that when I wake up, Saturday has arrived. I plan to surprise him at his camp in Clementi, but y'know me and surprises. They usually never work out. BUT! We shall see. Perhaps this Nabby Nooby might juuuuust be lucky this time.

Ya Allah, thank you for these amazing people in my life.

Change? No change?

2011-11-09T09:42:00.001+08:00

I admit I'm not adaptable to change. At all.

I find comfort in the familiar aspects of life. But it's time for me to embrace change.

Sidenote:

Muhammad Haiqal, I've missed you. Been spamming your phone with text messages but I know you can't reply because you're stuck sleeping in you shell scrape and eating field rations and fending off wild boars in the heart of the Mandai jungle. Stay safe sayang. I'll see you on Saturday.

2 more days. I can do this.

Just stop.

2011-11-09T09:30:00.004+08:00

Because in 20 years, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do

than by what you did.

Heads-up.

2011-11-08T14:23:00.003+08:00

Oh really?

Hello "Friend"

2011-11-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you just don't realize how hurtful your words are

because you just speak your mind without thinking.

Everything is going to be okay.

2011-11-07T01:09:00.000+08:00

Hey Saturday.

2011-11-06T14:09:00.001+08:00

A breezy afternoon, cloudy skies and the wind in my hair.

A relaxing day of cycling (and loads of sweating) with none other than my date, BlurBeans. Surprisingly there weren't so many people by the beach on that day. Took the time to eat, chill, and sing songs loudly. Went really crazy when we sang Chop Suey by SOAD. Wake up! Grab a brush and put a little makeup! Hide the scars to fade away the shake up! All the air-drumming and air-bass-guitaring lol. I think I know why he's my best friend. We have the inane ability to crap and fool around without judging each other. That, and the fact that we're just so lame lol.

After that we went to catch The Adventures of Tin Tin in 3D and were awed by the incredible details in the movie. I liked how the story flowed smoothly. 2 minutes into the movie we were already amazed by the way they introduced the characters. Very cool. I like.

Then I went to Street 21 to trim my hair, and unfortunately it ended in a disaster. See, I always regret after cutting it. When it's thick I don't like. When it's thin, I also don't like. Cut botak then you know sheesh. Guess I'm just gonna keep my hair long and then listen to what the hairstylist said. Either I go for rebond (again, meh) or go for some big curls at the ends of my hair. Meh. How I wished I had my previous, untreated hair. Long ago before I gatal and rebonded my hair at P6 because my mum offered to splurge on me. Worst decision of my life. I looked like a pear with strings of noodles hanging by the side of my head, I kid you not.

But okay okay, I have to learn to love myself in times of ugliness. Hahaha. Sigh. Will try, will try.

Anyway, on another note, I'm going to miss him once he books in again.

National Service, you are such a hindrance.

What He Said

2011-11-05T07:03:00.000+08:00

Confessions of a Nooby Nabby

2011-11-04T07:32:00.004+08:00

Looks? Are they really as important when it comes to liking someone?
I guess to me, the thing that made me realize that I have fallen for you...was actually your nice-ness. Yes. Nice-ness. To be honest, I didn't look at your looks, or whether you had a cute butt or muscular arms or abs, and neither did I judge you by what you wearing or whether you were cool or popular or hot. All the superficial outer values, I disregarded. And truth to be told the moment I knew that you were the right person to start a relationship with was when we could connect on so many levels that I almost thought I was talking to a carbon copy of myself. I'm not trying to say that it's our similarities which brought us together. Just because we share certain values in life and like the same music or movies or books doesn't give us the reason to embark on a relationship with.

Well for one thing you like SOAD, A7X, Muse etc, while I like bands like Lifehouse, Snow Patrol, Rooney, etc, but I have since accepted that part of you, and hey guess what I'm starting to dig Muse and SOAD as well. Very surprising.

One thing that can make me really attracted to someone is by the way he thinks, and the way his personality is. Intelligence, wit, humour, optimism; and the fact that you're so much different from the other guys I meet nowadays, that's what attracted me to you. You don't think like the rest. You're not one of those guys who have to act all cool and popular to attract a girl. In a cheesy way, you just...shine through your own personality. I remember talking to you on MSN each night, and we had so many things to talk about. I used to regard you as a friend, nothing more than that, but as we talked and got to know each other more, I started to fall slowly for you. And when I fall, I fall hard. Slowly I started to notice how good you looked when you smiled. How adorable you looked when you were all embarrassed and shy. How good-looking you are when your eyes crinkled when you smiled. Slowly, I fell in love with your looks.

And the longer I am with you, the more I start to see us in the future together. It's funny how things work out in the end. There you were, listening to my woes about the guys I was dating 3 years ago, and 3 years on, the guy who ended up being with me...was you. We have stuck by each other throughout the darkest periods, and we've emerged stronger than ever. As cliche as it might sound, you've given me a new meaning in life. I can safely say that I don't think I am the same person I was back then. Thank you for being in my life, Muhammad Haiqal Bin Abdul Latip. You have no idea how much you've changed me and my outlook on life.

Think about it. Good looks don't really matter in the beginning. Try falling in love with a personality, and having a crush on someone's mind. And the rest will come naturally. The good looks? Well, they're just a bonus.

But that's just what I think.

Numero Uno

2011-11-03T19:42:00.000+08:00

I told myself yesterday night to sleep early, so that I could jog today morning. But turns out I slept around 1.30am, and couldn't find the energy within me to wake up after Subuh to jog just now. But tonight, I will be more disciplined on myself. I am going to spend some time watching TV with my family but I'll also multi-task and mark some papers as well. After that I hope to have a short and sweet chat to Private Beans who's hopefully doing fine at the Home of the Spartans. No kidding, that's what they call that place. Pretty morbid, if you ask me. And I'm going to sleep by 12am. Really. I mean REALLY REALLY.

Alhamdulillah, I can't believe tmrw's Friday. After a long and draggy week, it's Friday already! Which leaves to 1 more day left to see Haiqal. Happy Nabby, yes I am. I've got some plans up my sleeve on the activities that we can do, and they all involve some sweat. Heh heh heh. NO WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? Hahaha gotcha. Oh well, we'll see how it goes.

Ana bahibagh, Muhammad Haiqal.

Just for fun.

2011-11-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

What it's Like to Date a Sagittarius Woman:

She has a great attitude and always seems to be on the go. Sagittarius woman is for the man with lots of energy and creativity. She likes unconventionality and change, so whisk her away at the last second to somewhere unplanned and uncharted and she will remember you forever. In order for her to stay, you have to keep her happy. If she gets unhappy or bored, she won't bother to fix any problems, she will just walk out and never look back. Fortunately, it is not that difficult to keep her happy. Be her friend, she does not take love too seriously anyway. If you are her companion, love will blossom after that. Let her have her freedom, flirt with her and take the relationship slowly, do not rush her. Be truthful, genuine, positive and adventurous and never play mind games. The lucky man will not only have a wonderful fun relationship but an adventurous companion as well.

What it's like to date a Cancer Man:

The Cancer man needs you to be loyal and faithful for he is the same. In a strong and close relationship, Cancer men are the most loyal of the astrology signs. They make excellent lovers for the tender woman who loves romance and being swept off her feet. Cancer is very affectionate and thrives on holding hands all the time, as well as constant physical contact as he absorbs the situation and experiences with his feelings. The cancer man is all about feeling. He might not show it however and might portray a calm and cool exterior but underneath, he feels deeply and intensely. Cancer men are easily offended so do not jokingly make fun of them for they will take offense and get hurt, but once again, this will not be known to you. He will simply sulk on his own while he tries to figure out and dissect what you said. Cancer men are excellent male protectors, they are like the knights in shining armor. If you are the kind of woman that likes being looked after and cared for, and loves affection and devotion, this romantic, sensual man is perfect for you.

Source: http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/

Hello November

2011-11-02T23:33:00.001+08:00

3 movies to watch in November:

1) Drive

2) The Adventures of Tin Tin

3) The Three Musketeers

It's going to be a pretty swell November.

I can feel it.

InsyaAllah.

Truth to be told,

2011-11-02T00:13:00.000+08:00

Why do I think of you when I read this?

And yes, I've missed you so much.

My Inner Reason

2011-11-01T22:34:00.000+08:00

HAHA dammit, you totally deserved it man.

Nabby Nooby you are such a sucka sucka sucka.

Dah kene sound. Stupid stupid stupid, how could you possibly THINK that y'know, URGH.

Please refer to previous post. And for gundu's sake, please sedar diri okay.

I am such a loser.

This will be the last time I'm saying this.

Stupid stupid stupid haiyayay.

Wakey wakey!

2011-11-01T18:35:00.001+08:00

I tend to create fantasies in my mind.

When there is absolutely nothing, my over-imaginative brain can conjure up something that can be utterly ridiculous and nonsensical. And when you have said fantasies in your head, you tend to set yourself up for a major blow of disappointment, when said fantasy doesn't take place in reality.

And that's what I call = expectations.

So for goodness sake, I better start getting my head off the clouds and wake up.